I went out with my three angels tonight. Supposedly, lunch lang kami. But since naurong na ng naurong ang meeting time naging coffee date and dinner date. Ynna and I met at 2 at 1611, then Ate Abby followed 30 mins after. Three iced teas, one beer, and a plate of “tostillas” later, the lights went out. Dumami na din ang UST people na pumapasok kaya uminit na din so we decided to just transfer to another place. Ynna said she doesn’t want to go to a mall and asked if we could stay in a coffee shop somewhere. She had this place in mind and so we told Ren to just follow us in Malate. It turned out na “every Lunes” ay closed ang Penguin so we ended up having coffee in Starbucks Adriatico where we unexpectedly saw LC Ricky (Luckily for Ynna and I, she’s not that active na in LLB. So safe kami from our membership dues). I don’t remember what time Ren arrived. Basta ang madaming kwentuhan ay mas dumami pa. It has always been like that, sobrang daming kwento. When we were all still in Beda, madami ng stories to share. But now that we seldom see each other, the stories doubled in number na ata. Triple pa nga ata eh.
I won’t get into details na of what we talked about coz there’s just too many. What I know is that I’m happy I was able to spend time with these three wonderful ladies again. Iba talaga pag kasama ko sila. I can’t describe the friendship we have, the love we have for each other, and the way we value each other. Basta kakaiba. It’s the type of relationship you will hold on to forever. Cliché man pero it’s a friendship that can truly be considered as treasure. We are all unique in our own ways – Ate Abby, the conservative one; Ren, the carefree one; Ynna, the creative one; and Ice, the neutral one. But we have these similarities that bond us and that keep us together. We adjust to each others’ attitudes, b*tchiness, kababawan, mood swings, kacornyhan at lahat-lahat na.
I just love them so much! As in I’d do anything and everything for them. I love you Ate Abby! I love you Ren! I love you Ynna! You all are my soulmates…=)
9.25.2006
9.22.2006
it's just a see you later
hinatid namin si tita kanina sa airport. not a drop of tear fell from my eyes, while the rest of them cried when we were about to see her get inside the airport for her flight. hindi ako manhid. kabaliktaran nga ako nun eh, masyado akong emosyonal. yun nga lang, when it comes to my family and to most of the people i know, i hide those feelings. i keep this facade that fools a lot of people. i didn't cry kanina not because i won't miss tita. i will miss her. i remember the years i've spent in era with a visible/invisible chaperone everyday. i didn't cry because i know it wasn't goodbye. yes, she'll be staying there for three years and who knows she might even stay there for good. but i know she'd visit us here once she gets the chance. i know she'll miss us, and that she'll forever be part of our family.
i saw a bit of myself in allyssa today, i think. like me, she didn't cry. wala, ni hindi man lang ata siya naging teary-eyed. i don't know if days before tita's flight she did cry. but today, in the airport, she was quiet. she said goodbye to tita, she hugged her and kissed her. on our way home, she was quiet. all our questions were answered by a simple yes or a simple no or just a shrug. on our way back to manila from worship service, sabi ni mama bakit daw ganon si allyssa, di marunong magexpress ng emotions? bakit puro happiness lang daw..and it felt like she was describing me. so i guess, we really are sisters...
i saw a bit of myself in allyssa today, i think. like me, she didn't cry. wala, ni hindi man lang ata siya naging teary-eyed. i don't know if days before tita's flight she did cry. but today, in the airport, she was quiet. she said goodbye to tita, she hugged her and kissed her. on our way home, she was quiet. all our questions were answered by a simple yes or a simple no or just a shrug. on our way back to manila from worship service, sabi ni mama bakit daw ganon si allyssa, di marunong magexpress ng emotions? bakit puro happiness lang daw..and it felt like she was describing me. so i guess, we really are sisters...
9.20.2006
digest time
ate abby is here. i miss her. she's still the same ate abby who is able to set her mind on doing something regardless of distractions. i wish her luck on the hundred plus digests she needs to finish. love you ate!
chat
after talking to den in ym and msn, i now know why i'm so bothered by his situation. i fear for him. i don't want him to suffer like i did. i don't want him to reach the patethic state that i was in before. i don't want him to spend his time on things which are not meant to be. although i know that it's only normal for him to wish for a second chance and to dwell on the pain and misery, but i don't want it to last for a long time. i've told him twice to hope for the best but still expect the worst. he gave himself until the new year before actually giving up hope, i think. so that will be a total of 5 months. i'll give him that (he doesn't know it took me almost two years now before really setting my mind on moving on). but after the new year, i'd be a bit harder on him.
9.19.2006
empathy
yesterday, my day was so emotional. it started with that dream. it was followed by hearing from teng again. i miss her badly that talking to her in ym, even for a short time, brought happiness to my heart. we haven't had our coffee dates for a few months now. and i miss just seeing her and hearing her stories of just about anything. i'm happy for what she has accomplished in her work. i just wish she could find time for herself and for us to be with her from time to time.
i think i'm growing addicted to pda. for others, it may not be a cool thing to watch reality shows like that. but law school made me resort to that and i think it has grown on me. the episode showed one of the scholars crying. it wasn't known then why he was crying but during the prime time show i found out that it was out of sadness. he misses his family and maybe he also feels left out because of the language barrier. i was so amazed at how he, as a guy, can show his emotions to other people. and i felt sad as well.
i spent the afternoon at starbucks west ave, where apple works. i was able to finish lesson one of the personal statement tutorial i downloaded from the net. still have five more lessons to read before actually writng the essay.
tita then told me about how allyssa woke up at dawn and shouted her name. i can't imagine how she must be feeling knowing that her mommy would be leaving in three days. at a very young age, being away from someone she's used to seeing everyday and everynight is a big adjustment. if only she can stay here in manila with us so we can be with her everyday, to try filling in for tita.
i don't know what it was that made me want to see den. all i know is that when apple's shift ended and she asked where we're gonna go, i asked her if its ok to go to den's house. i thought it was going to be easy to go to den's. but because of the unexpected heavy rainpour, we faced many "obstacles." heavy traffic, flood, scary lightnings and thunders, and blackouts. add to it the fact that we can't decide on what food to bring. i knew den doesn't cook. he misses meals everyday.
it wasn't any shock to me when i saw den's place. he was a guy, what was i to expect? but there was something about it or him that bothered me. i wanted to clean his house, buy food for him, and make sure he eats his meals on time. i know how sad he must be because of his breakup. i know that at first i didn't think about it much since it was only a three-month long relationship. but knowing now that time isn't really a good gauge on how deep a relationship has become, i wanted to tell him that whatever it is he's going through will pass. it's only normal for him to miss his ex and to wish for a reconcilliation. but he shouldn't forget to take care of himself and to look forward to better things in life. hay den.. if only i could visit you everyday...
thank you for accompanying apple and i to moa. i knew our planning brought about confusion and headache but at least we were still able to meet. i wish i could have talked to you more but knowing you have other friends with you and that apple and i should be exploring the mall we didn't have that chance. i hope those small talks we had while walking will somehow help to remind you to take care of yourself.
lands, chie, eddie, john, dj, and darrel: you guys ended up going home late, i'm sorry. thank you for spending your day with us...
i think i'm growing addicted to pda. for others, it may not be a cool thing to watch reality shows like that. but law school made me resort to that and i think it has grown on me. the episode showed one of the scholars crying. it wasn't known then why he was crying but during the prime time show i found out that it was out of sadness. he misses his family and maybe he also feels left out because of the language barrier. i was so amazed at how he, as a guy, can show his emotions to other people. and i felt sad as well.
i spent the afternoon at starbucks west ave, where apple works. i was able to finish lesson one of the personal statement tutorial i downloaded from the net. still have five more lessons to read before actually writng the essay.
tita then told me about how allyssa woke up at dawn and shouted her name. i can't imagine how she must be feeling knowing that her mommy would be leaving in three days. at a very young age, being away from someone she's used to seeing everyday and everynight is a big adjustment. if only she can stay here in manila with us so we can be with her everyday, to try filling in for tita.
i don't know what it was that made me want to see den. all i know is that when apple's shift ended and she asked where we're gonna go, i asked her if its ok to go to den's house. i thought it was going to be easy to go to den's. but because of the unexpected heavy rainpour, we faced many "obstacles." heavy traffic, flood, scary lightnings and thunders, and blackouts. add to it the fact that we can't decide on what food to bring. i knew den doesn't cook. he misses meals everyday.
it wasn't any shock to me when i saw den's place. he was a guy, what was i to expect? but there was something about it or him that bothered me. i wanted to clean his house, buy food for him, and make sure he eats his meals on time. i know how sad he must be because of his breakup. i know that at first i didn't think about it much since it was only a three-month long relationship. but knowing now that time isn't really a good gauge on how deep a relationship has become, i wanted to tell him that whatever it is he's going through will pass. it's only normal for him to miss his ex and to wish for a reconcilliation. but he shouldn't forget to take care of himself and to look forward to better things in life. hay den.. if only i could visit you everyday...
thank you for accompanying apple and i to moa. i knew our planning brought about confusion and headache but at least we were still able to meet. i wish i could have talked to you more but knowing you have other friends with you and that apple and i should be exploring the mall we didn't have that chance. i hope those small talks we had while walking will somehow help to remind you to take care of yourself.
lands, chie, eddie, john, dj, and darrel: you guys ended up going home late, i'm sorry. thank you for spending your day with us...
9.18.2006
remnant?leftover?residue?remainder?
dreams are thoughts, visions, and other sensations that occupy the mind in sleep. some say they are the opposites of reality, while some believe that they are prophetic in some way.
i don't know which side to be in. i want some of my dreams to happen, but some i'd wish to be the opposite in reality.
i woke up today not knowing what to feel or how to react. i had this dream for the fourth or fifth time, i think. similar setting, same characters, identical theme.
for this dream, i yearn for the first part to happen. but the last part... it crushes my heart into pieces.
even in dreams, irony reigns.
i don't know which side to be in. i want some of my dreams to happen, but some i'd wish to be the opposite in reality.
i woke up today not knowing what to feel or how to react. i had this dream for the fourth or fifth time, i think. similar setting, same characters, identical theme.
for this dream, i yearn for the first part to happen. but the last part... it crushes my heart into pieces.
even in dreams, irony reigns.
9.15.2006
another person from the past
you were never really gone. you still have my contact numbers, i still have yours. i know what's keeping you busy in your life, you know what's keeping me preoccupied. from time to time, you ask about my family and i ask about yours. you were not visible, but you were never really gone.
you cross my mind, maybe a couple of times a month. whenever i see things that remind me of you: chess. UP jacket. medal. cadbury. fireworks. i know i've told you more than once that i want to see you and that i miss you. maybe it's just a part of me who regrets not spending that much time with you before. plus the fact that i want to apologize for any "mistreatment" i may have (unconsciously) done. now, as i look back, the irritation i felt was baseless. i should have been touched and overwhelmed. is it too late to tell you that now?
my mom likes you, you know. right from the very moment i told her about you and how you've stand up for your faith despite your young age. she doesn't remember some of my friends from highschool whom i've been friends with for ages. but she remembers you.
i'm amazed at how you are able to juggle your time for your studies, work, and obligations in the church.
when i asked about your love life, you joked about me not saying yes to you back in college. i normally would have let it just pass since you did say that it was a joke. but a part of me was bothered. maybe because i know, subconsciously, that if you were to "court" me now, it will be a whole different thing. back then, i didn't know the things i know now. i wasn't that experienced and learned when it came to relationships. not that i am an expert now, coz i still do have lots to learn. it's just that, now, i've become more appreciative of people around me knowing that they may be gone before you know it.
i would love to see you now and spend longer time sharing stories. i haven't seen you for like three years, i think. and we seldom did see each other the two years before that (when i was still in UP). i wonder if you still look the same, if you still talk the same way, if you still flashes your smile like you used to do. find time in your busy sched, ok? =)
you cross my mind, maybe a couple of times a month. whenever i see things that remind me of you: chess. UP jacket. medal. cadbury. fireworks. i know i've told you more than once that i want to see you and that i miss you. maybe it's just a part of me who regrets not spending that much time with you before. plus the fact that i want to apologize for any "mistreatment" i may have (unconsciously) done. now, as i look back, the irritation i felt was baseless. i should have been touched and overwhelmed. is it too late to tell you that now?
my mom likes you, you know. right from the very moment i told her about you and how you've stand up for your faith despite your young age. she doesn't remember some of my friends from highschool whom i've been friends with for ages. but she remembers you.
i'm amazed at how you are able to juggle your time for your studies, work, and obligations in the church.
when i asked about your love life, you joked about me not saying yes to you back in college. i normally would have let it just pass since you did say that it was a joke. but a part of me was bothered. maybe because i know, subconsciously, that if you were to "court" me now, it will be a whole different thing. back then, i didn't know the things i know now. i wasn't that experienced and learned when it came to relationships. not that i am an expert now, coz i still do have lots to learn. it's just that, now, i've become more appreciative of people around me knowing that they may be gone before you know it.
i would love to see you now and spend longer time sharing stories. i haven't seen you for like three years, i think. and we seldom did see each other the two years before that (when i was still in UP). i wonder if you still look the same, if you still talk the same way, if you still flashes your smile like you used to do. find time in your busy sched, ok? =)
9.12.2006
status.2
denied.
refused.
repudiated.
disavowed.
rebuked.
rejected.
declined.
renounced.
withheld.
abnegated.
turned down.
disapproved.
where am i to go now? what am i to do?
"...you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow..."
refused.
repudiated.
disavowed.
rebuked.
rejected.
declined.
renounced.
withheld.
abnegated.
turned down.
disapproved.
where am i to go now? what am i to do?
"...you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow..."
a person from the past
for the past days i have been in contact again with one of my high school friends. we've lost touch for almost six years. i hear news about him from time to time, but no communication like what we have now.
talking to him now brings back a lot of memories, although, i struggle to remember some of them. talking to him now is a bittersweet way of reminiscing things. but i'd like to focus on the sweet part. i've been wanting to connect again with those who have been, let's just say, a part of my "colorful" love life. i guess, experiencing a very deep level of pain have made me become much more appreciative.
being 15 then, i didn't give much thought to whatever feelings were brought out in the open. unlike now that i'm 22. i was satisfied with having the "kilig" feeling that high school girls experience. little did i know, it was another thing for him.
i can't really remember what happened between us, how our ways just parted. maybe it was because of different schools. maybe it was because we entered college life. but those are not enough reasons to just lose touch with someone close to you, right? we have our own share of faults i guess. he was the one courting so he should have exerted more effort, shouldn't have let "it" slip away. i was his friend, first and foremost. i shouldn't have let the school difference hindered our friendship. there was no phone ringing on either end.
it amazes me how easily we can talk about our past loves (though both still can't go into more details. seems both are still in the process of moving on.) our respective relationships lasted for almost three years, and things ended a year ago. the only difference between us is that they had their closure. i still don't have mine. they're civil, i think they're even friends. i, on the other hand, am not just a stranger. i think i am considered as enemy. oh well...
i'm happy we're able to communicate again, and that one of these days i'll be able to apologize for any ill-feeling i may have caused you. I'll also be able to apologize for not keeping in touch. but right now, let's just talk...
talking to him now brings back a lot of memories, although, i struggle to remember some of them. talking to him now is a bittersweet way of reminiscing things. but i'd like to focus on the sweet part. i've been wanting to connect again with those who have been, let's just say, a part of my "colorful" love life. i guess, experiencing a very deep level of pain have made me become much more appreciative.
being 15 then, i didn't give much thought to whatever feelings were brought out in the open. unlike now that i'm 22. i was satisfied with having the "kilig" feeling that high school girls experience. little did i know, it was another thing for him.
i can't really remember what happened between us, how our ways just parted. maybe it was because of different schools. maybe it was because we entered college life. but those are not enough reasons to just lose touch with someone close to you, right? we have our own share of faults i guess. he was the one courting so he should have exerted more effort, shouldn't have let "it" slip away. i was his friend, first and foremost. i shouldn't have let the school difference hindered our friendship. there was no phone ringing on either end.
it amazes me how easily we can talk about our past loves (though both still can't go into more details. seems both are still in the process of moving on.) our respective relationships lasted for almost three years, and things ended a year ago. the only difference between us is that they had their closure. i still don't have mine. they're civil, i think they're even friends. i, on the other hand, am not just a stranger. i think i am considered as enemy. oh well...
i'm happy we're able to communicate again, and that one of these days i'll be able to apologize for any ill-feeling i may have caused you. I'll also be able to apologize for not keeping in touch. but right now, let's just talk...
status
track your documents
status: dispatched
i am miss dispatched.
spell dispatched: d-i-s-p...
positive or negative: POSITIVE (hopefully!)
status: dispatched
i am miss dispatched.
spell dispatched: d-i-s-p...
positive or negative: POSITIVE (hopefully!)
9.06.2006
eyes cleansing
i cried again today because of you... i miss you...wish you can give me just one last hug and kiss...
9.05.2006
an emotional pass (#1)
i've been relatively sane this past two months or so. and i've told myself, when i knew and felt that i'm starting to take the first steps in moving on, that i'd let my emotions out once in a while. coz it helps, it really does. i'd cry, smile, curse, rant, or giggle if i need to. taht is why i'm giving myself this "emotional pass."
i miss you anchis!
and another thing,
i love you still...
i miss you anchis!
and another thing,
i love you still...
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